Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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