im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
