Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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