my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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