My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
