He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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