you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
