the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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