I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
