the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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