Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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