i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
