I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
