it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
