Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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