I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
