is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
