just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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