The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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