Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
