At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
