Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.