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I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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