Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation