My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him