Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Can I color on your dick again?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.