The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me