Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.