it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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