I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
