I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
