I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
