Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
