i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
