I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
