"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
