Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
