the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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