Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
