She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
