Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
