we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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