I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
