ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
