Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
