batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it's like iHOP with fire
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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