I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just pee around me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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