after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
