i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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