her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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