your thong is hanging out like whoa
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
