Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
