Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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