u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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