M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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