Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
