can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
