i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize