Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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