dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
