sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
