I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
