And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
