My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
zippers are such a cool invention
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
