His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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