in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
