He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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