Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
