I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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