o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
