I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
