I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
