you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
