so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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