If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm too high and old for this...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
