My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
