Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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