my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize