if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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